War Story Quotes
The Purpose of this is to provide an unedited look into the types of conversations that addicts have. Addicts tend to be some of the most raw and honest people when in a safe place.
“If you want to do drugs, do meth”
“Take the high road, it’s never crowded”
“Have you ever ordered a pitcher of cocktail”
“Yo, you are a really rude person” (while having sex)
“How does head with a dental dam work?” “Yo, it’s like a fruit rollup” (licking face)
“Is dumpster diving a sex thing”
“Renting my car out for crack rocks, hope it’s coming back”
“So you were like Hellen Keller when you were detoxing, but you could hear”
“Get your war stories in”
“You are 23? I am 29. I have 6 more years of abuse than you”
“don’t fuck monkeys’ -HIV class
“The Inmates are running the asylum”
“Thanks for all the fish”
“I am allergic to meth, I breakout in handcuffs”
“War Porn is remnants of your using that reminds you of your addiction”
“My dad took me to the funeral home to pick out my own coffin”
“Oh no mode”
“I got spun out, picked up 20 bars in Vegas and woke up in LA”
“Withdrawal is the negative version of an acid trip”
“Surviving, not thriving”
“Acid is stored in the spine? Well, let me crack my back”
“How much good can you do getting sober”
“I walk free today. I am proud to say that”
“The moment you go to anger, all logic goes out the window”
“Weak knees”
“When it comes to women, I have a broken picker…not pecker. Picker”
“My only complaint about rehab is they don’t break $100’s at the front desk”
“_____________, and then I went to jail”
“I absolutely Bill Cosby’ed that interview, today”
“We should go to AA tonight, I want like….more community cloud….”
“Sometimes the most toxic person for you is yourself”
“I was on backpage.com when I was wasted in Florida. I had no idea it was all cops and fakes”
“An orgasm is 200 milligrams per liter of dopamine; fentanyl is 2,000”
“The chemicals wait their turn in line”
“Angel Dust, PCP?..... Only when it was good”
“You get down on ladders? School buses? Dope”
“Get your War Stories in”
“I’m broke…..not poor”
“I am not about spreading my seed… or taking the seed”
“I had an inception sex dream last night”
“I am not so sure I haven’t smoked bath salts”
“My words of whit could be words of shit”
“I’m just playing dominos on suboxone”
“Yea, words hurt”
“There is an element of assholery there”
“Yo, wanna hear a funny story about PTSD”
“It’s raining, get under my bucket hat”
“Trappin & dominos”
“The boujee’iest thing I do with My Juul is not finish pods. I have a drawer of ones that were not hitting perfectly. I just go get a fresh pod”
“Just because you’re sober doesn’t mean you don’t suck”
“It takes more than one finger to make me cum, Lady”
“Have a good day at school!”
“I don’t even like being around me all the time”
“I was drizzy drunk that night. Started pounding tall boys after I got off perks”
“You fuss with me, tough”
“It works if you work it. Work work work work”
“You can make yourself weak or you can make yourself strong. The effort is the same”
“Go to concerts sober. I had a great time. I could see my feet and my face was still on my head”
“Whomever said, “sticks and stones my break your bones, but words will never hurt you” was full of shit”
“Do you really think you will never have another good day in your life?”
“They gave me a week of meds when I moved to the partial hospitalization program (“PHP”). I’m an addict….I cookie monstered the whole box”
“The opposite of addiction is connection”
“If you see something someone shouldn’t be doing and don’t say anything, you are cosigning their bullshit”
“the inmates have to run the asylum for anyone to get better”
“Maybe he sends you it every day so you can laugh at it….”
“I really don’t need to see the daily dick pick from that rando”
“I have been in one fight in my life. Rest of the time I was talking shit just to get hit”
“Spanky out here dumpster diving for corncobs”
“You just might be an alcoholic”
“You have a chance. Don’t waste it”
“Man, if my detox roommate shits on my shoes. I am going to have a bad time”
“Sober me is really good at disaster planning for drunk me”
“You should pass out nicotine gum in class. I bet it would cut down on the vaping”
“Yea… I need that meat right now”
“I’ve cosigned my own bullshit”
“We made Post Traumatic soup in class yesterday. _____ really stirred the pot”
“We are glad you’re here”
“Your drug dealer has a heart of gold”
“Anyone want to see this? It’s enough to gag a dead maggot”
“Sloppy seconds, for sure”
“Can I offer you an egg in these trying times”
“Every generation thinks they invented sex. They didn’t
“The worst half a blow job I ever got”
“We are a bunch of hags and alcoholics”
“Don’t do meth”
“whip-its are fun”
“I took ½ a Xanax and ½ an Ecstasy. You know level out. I went to get a massage, but it was closed. I ended up at the strip club”
“I’m a fucking wizard”
“Can you adopt me?”
“They are all pink on the inside. I don’t give a fuck what color they are or flavor”
“I used to smoke meth and steal bicycles. Then I would try and make a Super bicycle. I never got the bikes back together”
“Gotta keep ziggin while zaggin with it on the IRS”
“I’m staying sober so I can fuck with the IRS”
“I need the Dr. to prescribe me Adderall. It’s the closest thing to meth”
“We got a runner”
“I woke up with 3 vapes in my bed today”
“You are where you are”
“Captain, engage thrusters”
“God, I am asking you to help me take away this thirst”
“Fucking, what a drunk”
“Oh look. It’s a unicorn”( pointing at a guy with 3 ankle bracelet)
“It just smells good. That white stuff”
“From Fluffer to 3rd string. Moving up in the world”
“I’m good at everything I do”
“Just because your breathing doesn’t mean your alive”
“Life is a magical adventure. And I am going to live every fucking minute of it”
“It feels like we just got back from a field trip”
“I love you, but you’re still a raggity bitch”
“Having a job is overrated”
“She was not a complete cunt to me today”
“We called it the 3-cum-skteers”
“I got hope for sale”
“You fucking alcoholic”
“I mean. If you can addicted to food, you can get addicted to ketamine”
“This is why we can’t have nice things”
“Hahahah… nervous laugh”
“I don’t look at you like addicts”
“You make me feel weak. I can’t walk through the kitchen without you”
“I need you in my life to feel normal”
“I am being drowned by you”
“Vodka is the best delivery system”
“I have a breathalyzer in my car. My trick is to start the car in the morning and leave it running all day”
“My daughter had to call 911. I had to explain I seized out due to the fact I was 24 hours without alcohol”
“Today, I am not going to let you win”
“Functional addict is a bullshit term. They just haven’t lost enough yet”
“If you don’t develop a relationship with your pain, you will never understand yourself”
“You have a choice”
“I think of myself as the noble fentanyl addict”
“I encourage profiling when selecting a counselor”
“I’ve been stronger than that higher power since you were 16”
“I love when the market is closed so I can focus on recovery”
“I am in withdrawls when the market is closed”
“Yes, crypto and futures are open, but I am trying to avoid that rabbit hole”
“I’m really good at rebuilding my life and destroying it”
“I’m going to stay here as long as I can until I trust myself”
“Getting my nails done is a big trigger for me”
“Addiction is like herpes. It never goes away”
“Are you buying $XRP? I told you and you didn’t believe me”
“What changed?”
“Addiction is a credit card you swipe for your pain. It accrues interest. Eventually you max out.”
“Fearless moral inventory”
“Reality isn’t supposed to feel that good”
“3,500 MG of gabapentin in one sitting can replicate opioids”
“I love you, but I hated myself. I loved anything and you at the same time.”
“You rob me”
“Just knowing I had pills in my pocket reduced my withdrawls”
“I’m waiting for you in the darkest corner of your mind”
“I don’t even like my husband. He annoys me. Ugh, it will be so much worse sober”
“I blew a .5 at intake and was talking just fine”
“If you aren’t ready today. Try to be ready tomorrow.”
“Your imagination is a muscle. Exercise it”
“Having a job is overrated”
“It ran in my family until it ran into me. Then it ran out.”
“Each part of our story, we begin to look at different things from different angles”
“That us the time you find grace for yourself”
“Get out of the track of literalism”
“Or… i just manipulate people until I feel in control”
“It downs out the noise of reality I didn’t fit into”
“And……now I am here”
“For me, addiction is life or death”
“_______, alcoholic.”
“_______, alcoholic drug addict”
“_______, addict.”
“_______, abuse survivor.”
“What’s your drug of choice DOC?” “Oh nice, me too”
“I have been raped three times”
“I had a forced abortion”
“Retweet”
“The universe provides, but it also knows when we are faking it”
“I beat the shit out of myself on a daily basis”
“My mom has hope for me. I don’t have hope for myself”
“My words don’t mean shit”
“I have read this book six times because I have been to rehab six times. This is my seventh time”
“The issue is applying it”
“Has anyone tried ketamine therapy?”
“Normally I take a shot in the morning to relax after I shower”
“That movie was scary. Can you snuggle me”
“If bit-corn trends up this week, there is no way Tesla doesn’t gap $750”
“Why will it work this time?”
“The California fires are ruining our pool day”
“Every client is an experiment with an N of 1”
“Did daily dick pic guy ghost you?”
“I have been through some shit. My car is just along for the ride”
“I need to have a baby, so my dad jokes make sense”
“I don’t need knee pads. I am a good little slut”
“I want glowsticks”
“I can’t tell which is my left hand and which is my right hand”
All the cocaine dealers I knew were black……”
“Hotel California. You can check in, but you can never leave”…. “Yes, recovery is a lifelong process”
“Procrastination is like masturbation. It’s fun in the beginning, but you just end up fucking yourself in the end”
“Work smarter not harder”
“Someone convinced you that aren’t worthy of loving yourself. It’s not true”
“Your sobriety has to come first, so that everything you love doesn’t come last.”
“I have had seven spiritual awakenings. I had one. Then another. Then another one. Then another one.”
“If you make your struggles your identity, you might lose yourself”
“Everything I need in life can fit in my 70 liter Osprey backpack.”
“The voice in your head gets louder and louder. Meanier and meanier.”
“I am giving myself time. I am going 90 days”
“You know they monitor the internet? They can see all the porn your watching”
“It won’t be gay if you suck my dick, but it will make me happy”
“Sex? It has to be something you only give to your wife.”
“My new years resolution is no more massage parlors”
“If your boner lasts 4 hours, call a hooker. Any longer call your doctor.”
“Polishing my rockettttt”
“You know… fuck around and eat each other’s pussies and shit”
“Hahah, this little meth head”
“Did you just color all day on meth?”
“All the women I knew who did Kegels were Asian prostitutes”
“Without my DUI, I would be sitting at home wasted doing the same thing”
“It’s really hard being OK, without feeling OK”
“Getting married is overrated…WE WANT PREENUPS!”
“My buddy used to say, “you’re not paying them for the blowjob, you are paying them to leave”
“Can someone fuck me already? I am getting really tired of doing it myself”
“I never know what is going to come out his mouth. Other than cum”
“I just shared my soul. WTF….”
“When people choose love, they always choose right”
“My hair is platinum, just like my credit card”
“What happens at Fuji Mountain, stays at Fuji Mountain”
“Make it cool to be thoughtful, caring and kind”
“Someone should tell him that is girl is going to ruin his life”
“Let’s keep playing because I didn’t win”
“I really enjoyed he died. That really made the story. If he lived, the story would have been ruined”
“Four years later….what a victory lap”
“I think Hitler did meth, too”
“I can totally see why her husband left her”
“The only thing you can’t be honest about in rehab is who you are sleeping with”
“We should have vaccine passports just for obese people”
“Can you please wear gray sweatpants tomorrow?”
“Everytime I came close to death, it was because of drugs”
“Addiction is completely and totally demoralizing”
“Ehhh, she is like a rehab 8”
“Hey, I wrote a grievance against you”
“I value obedience”
“Route County Day Care. RCDC”
“Yo, gabba gabba”
“We have some characters in here”
“In the state of Colorado, it’s illegal to swim on Valium”
“Do you have anything else in your pockets?” “Nope, just my penis”
“I value obedience”
“Beliefs? Police are bad”
“F12? 12 is the name of the police…..and fuck is a derogatory term…lol”
“Put a P next to my name. I did participate.”
“I used to run around Harvard. I was hoping I would just get smarter”
“My thoughts turned into a hate fest”
“We used to smoke meth out of lightbulbs”
“I wish our loved ones would try to understand the problem without getting specifically into what we are doing”
“I wish they would get it, but I don’t want to give them my experience”
“Rehab puts distance between you and the last use. Without that it’s tough to have any objectivity”
“Because…..you’re a fucking alcoholic”
“Let’s play Russian roulette with med trays”
“You can’t learn S.M.A.R.T recovery if your dumb”
“You can hear it in her voice….it’s aching”
“They should let the heroin addicts drink”
“I’m pretty shallow…..that’s 90% of the battle”
“Pepperoni and tears pizza”
“People think we are the underbelly of society”
“People think we were just making a choice to be an addict”
“I almost got hit by an Amazon truck today”
“I do have 9 lives. I have never been arrested. I have only overdosed once. I am going to get hit by a bus at some point”
“I have a really tiny penis”
“Hunter Biden’s behavior is pretty much normal for people like us”
“You said you lost it when you were fucking what’s her nuts”
“Shit dude. I would do heroin for a headache”
“I don’t think people understand how powerful shooting up heroin is”
“I took a shot to the whole body and I just felt so good. Ughhh it felt so good”
“We are in here fighting for our lives and we don’t know what that fucking life even is”
“I’d rather say I am locked up than I went to treatment”
“Trace your penis on the paper”
“I started mixing alcohol with air duster”
“Sebastian. The prophet”
“_____, actually cares about a women. I say that’s a breakthrough”
“A little liver goes a long way”
“I brought up my abortion story in class today. Mainly to show a softer side”
“I bought some doggy coin. I want to get more into stocks”
“I had a dream giant geese were chasing me, I need to process that today.”
“You have the whole sexual abuse thing. Women love a project”
“My aunt told me to try and stay sober on trip. That wasn’t very helpful advice”
“Find you a girl who likes wearing a dog collar.”
“Someone who has that much work done has to have some insecurities”
“Insert extremely distastfule childhood trauma joke. I ALMOST went there.”
“You smell like cigarettes and vaccines”
“She will need some windshield wipers for her glasses”
“____ isn’t working out. He is pretending he is a dinosaur”
“Feel like a jerk now?”
“Can you shut the fuck up?”
“I lost custody of my 2 kids, but I can always have more”
“Is she looking for a sperm donor?”
“I’m in a nice fall mood, take me to a pumpkin patch, get me a pumpkin spiced latte, then fuck my brains out kind of mood”
“____, could peg you in a pumpkin patch”
“Do you know how much shit I have done to my wife”
“Ever try the goodwill hunting thing? It’s not your fault”
“____, is a pretty self aware crack addict”
“I just got my first facial 6 months ago.”
“I need a breathalyzer on my laptop”
“Have you ever fought a meth head?”
“He’s more narcissistic and attention starved then me”
“Tinder knows how hot you are. That algo 100% stack ranks you”
“It’s only been 21 days. I forgot how to restaurant”
“God? Home boy don’t really fuck with me”
“This is great using weather”
“This is the best fucked up family i have ever seen”
“I love those moments. I like to wave at them as I pass by”
“I can motorboat myself”
“Why am I like this. Lol”
“Were you high?” “The answer is yes”
“I don’t want the money. I just want the satisfaction of beating you”
“Don’t try to kill yourself, it’s really expensive”
“Step toward curiosity and away from judgment”
“Bitch, you better get four more people together to try and take my phone away
“I would rather have my testicle nailed to a stump than go to her class”
“Put that on silent. Like your thoughts”
“What’s the most you ever stayed up on clear”
“I masturbated for 16 hours straight”
“I wrote a letter to a Lama”
“So many facts”
“I gotta go put my boobs away”
“Don’t you know pump it, you got to pump it up”
“If you are in a rehab…. You just might be an alcoholic”
“I don’t think that counts as a relapse for you. The way I eat them it is”
“I wrapped a few hoes in my day”
“I love Target….”
“I embezzled a ton of small appliances at my last job”
“If you give a moose a muffin, he is gonna want some jam”
“This guy looks like he is about to be in good shape”
“What year is it? 2021”
“This is the vertically challenged seat”
“You taught me that a single bedroom in sober living is possible”
“Sober living seems like a good choice, but I have an issue with 90% of the rules”
“You have more freedom in rehab than you do in sober living”
“Track 1 PHP, the better of the tracks”
“DON’T DROP THE COIN!”
“It;s good to see part of your soul”
“Process this!”
“It’s like trying to nail jello to a tree”
“Write that down. I am infamous now”
“It’s okay to manipulate the insurance company”
“Idk…Eating chips and salsa on naltrexone”
“Should I put my credit score in my Tinder profile?”
“Well bless your heart…..”
“At work, every morning we played redbull flip cup at 6am”
“What is a birthday beat down?”
“Dradle dradle dradle, dradle on my dick”
“Have you ever fucked someone that is 115 pounds? It’s a lot of fun”
“I have a thing for tiny girls”
“We can have gaba-daba-doo party”
“Finding love in rehab is like finding a brand-new car in a junk yard”
“I would drag my dick a mile through broken glass to finger fuck her shadow”
“___ told me him and ____ are in a competition to see who can fuck me first”
“What happens stays in rehab stays in rehab”
“I’m just gonna smoke crack and take a shower. That will make me feel better”
“I had sex on a bunkbed. Homegirl fell off”
“The prostitutes had complaints about how big my dick was”
“I have only tried to kill myself 3 times”
“500 buckets for 4 hours with 2 prostitutes? Cheaper than golf”
“Liberal is a synonym for loser”
“It took 2 full x rays to get the whole dildo in the picture”
“I got anal glaucoma, I can’t see my ass going to that class”
“Type braces into Pornhub. Trust me. It’s a thing”
“I think I am going to get loaded on Gaba”
“I have had like legit ropes. Ones that go like halfway up my chest”
“I am going to be like Jeff Bezos in her cervix. Out of this world”
“He said that like he is smart”
“Do you text your momma with those fingers?”
“Do you want to come over and ruin this pussy?”
“Fuck me like you hate me”
“When I drink, I isolate. I am too messed up to go to the bar”
“Addiction is like playing chess with an invisible opponent”
“You’re not going to jail. Your just dumb”
“People’s personalities don’t really change when they get sober. A thoughtful introvert doesn’t really turn into Will Ferrel”
“That bar 86’ed me”
“Meth seems like a better bang for your buck”
“They sometimes use the anal glands of a beaver to make vanilla flavored ice cream”
“Would you eat the placenta after birth?”
“I could have been a piece of cheese.”
“I guess there is always hot moms at the grocery store”